I am kinda scared about the year coming. I have no idea how I am going to handle living without my parents. I am resposible, but I am worried that I will fall into temptation and really lose control of my school work. I hope it doesn’t happen, but if it does, I hope I am able to realize it soon enough and do damage control.
I am also worried about of all things…driving. Everyone around me makes fun of how I drive…even though I get to drive once every 6 months…and it makes me really nervous. I am so worried that I am going to really fuck up one day and get into an accident. I have no faith at all in my driving abilities. I am so worried I will fail the test because I never get to drive. I pray I don’t do that…I think waiting 3 years is long enough to get my lisence.
I miss my dog. He has finally found a new home. I just want to cry. I miss coming home and seeing him asleep on my bed and just so happy to see me. I miss him laying down against my back as I am trying to go to sleep. I miss playing with his little dog and seeing him sit-up on his hind legs…and his cute face. He hasn’t died, but he has left a huge hole in my heart. I won’t be getting another dog until I have my own home. I can’t deal with losing another dog anytime soon.
I am worried that Russell and I won’t be happy. That I will get jealous if he decides not to work next year. I will be really resentful if he doesn’t work next year…and honestly I will have to move back home. I know I won’t be able to handle coming home after working all day and going to class to find him leisurely studying. I would just feel so unappreciated.
Above all I think I am just unsure of myself. I don’t want to go out on my own and still be treated like a child by people other than my parents. I don’t need anyone to enlighten me to my responsibilities…and it always makes me really angry when people try to but into my methods of doing things that have been working all these years…without them.
I am very excited about everyone coming home this summer. I really want to see some people that I haven’t seen in a while…hang out with some of the cool people that I hardly ever get to see. My bestfriend from when I was 3 years old, Daron, Jake, Emily, and so many more.
Thought of the Day:”Who cares?”